Witnessing Abundance

My life is full, and I am grateful. I have enough; I am enough. This doesn't prevent me from occasionally wanting more. More time with my boyfriend, more paid vacation, more patience, more access to public transportation and good bagels, more awareness of myself, etc. Understanding witness consciousness through the practice of yoga, and specifically learning about it during my early experience at Kripalu, helps me to remember that I am not my thoughts. Some days are easier than others.

Mindfulness practice allows me to accept that I can and do get caught up in my desires, my aversions, my imagined needs ... on good days, I catch myself. On others, I can drown in my own depth. I can't get out of my own way. I lose sight of reality. I want everything to happen NOW. Stephen Cope talks about witnessing in his classes, and in The Wisdom of Yoga: A Seeker's Guide to Extraordinary Living, he says, on page 25,

One of the first things the beginning meditator gets to see, then, is precisely what her mind is occupied with - what, presumably, her mind is doing day in and day out when she's not paying attention.

I'm not a beginning meditator, and I have moved from a place of sitting and squirming mindlessly to "aha" moments when I get it. Now I don't space out, it doesn't take me long to drop in, I am able to observe my thoughts. That doesn't mean I always like them! Later in the same book (page 126), Cope quotes Patanjali and he also says:

In the view of yoga, the only Real Self is the Witness - the mind that sees and knows it all without judgment. The eternal Seer that does not choose for or against any part... The Witness is clear-seeing, nonreactive, and free of pattern.

Well, I'd love to say that after 26 years of practice I've got it down, but I don't. I will practice kindness toward myself and admit that I am in a far better place than I was in 1986 and even last year. Thank goodness, this is why it is called practice. If I continue to do something everyday I will continue to get better at recognizing when my mind is dragging me through the mud.

Knowing it all without judgment, yep, I want more of that. Ooops! Good save.

Williamsville Wellness | The Fix

Williamsville Wellness | The Fix

2012! Really?

I hope everyone is enjoying the start of a happy new year!

My last few posts were about forms of yoga, and I was determined to finish the series before I started something new. Since that wasn't happening, I looked back at what was going on with me last year at this time. The final line of my first post in 2011 was: Another year over, a new one just begun. (from John Lennon's Happy Christmas (War is over))

black & white cookie from NJ

So, in the spirit of newness, I begin 2012 with a modest post and give myself permission to return to forms of yoga when I'm ready. It's easy for me to get stuck in a pattern; I still have so much to learn. I can become paralyzed by uncertainty and am more comfortable when I feel that my path is clear. Even though I know there is never true certainty except in this moment, I like clarity. Spiritual readings and meditation help to nudge me along the path. My yoga practice provides lots of tools and so do other teachings.

Nothing is black and white all the time, except maybe this cookie and zebras and nuns' habits and penguins, etc. The symbol for yin yang is black and white and also contains a bit of dark within the light and a bit of light within the dark. This Taoist symbol is a  more realistic representation of the way I believe my life evolves. New situations are often confusing and sometimes result in feelings of uncertainty. I am not well versed in the Tao, but I read this today and like it:

Some people seem to embrace confusion, chasing the twilight. They fear decision-making because it carries responsibility for action. For these people, the line between yin and yang is blurred as they remain passive in ambiguous periods. Taoism's strategy, instead, is to gain clarity and not stay in the middle. Sometimes this can be hard as decisions to achieve clarity may involve uncomfortable conversations followed by tough action.

most likely not from NJ

I've spent many hours, even years, in twilight. I don't do that so much anymore; I find myself using the tools that have been shared with me over the years to help me navigate uncertain waters. Asking for what I need or want is sometimes scary. Yoga has made me braver. In reading about Taoism, I also found this:

In the intellectual realm, the yin/yang's symbol offers a valuable tool for sorting out life's priorities and making difficult decisions. It turns out that it's easier for the mind to comprehend what is not wanted, rather than what is desired. For example, if asked what a person wants out of life, there is often confusion and bewilderment. However, by mentally exploring what is not wanted, the desired aspects become clearer and clearer. It turns out that investigating the opposite side of any phenomenon often provides an easier path to enlightenment than the more direct approach. This is a valuable technique that can be immediately used without specialized training.

Like sculpture, taking away what isn't wanted or needed results (hopefully) in something beautiful and lasting. In trying to focus on the positive, I often forget that looking at all aspects of any situation is equally necessary. That means examining and talking about my uncomfortable feelings, being honest with myself and others, honoring my values and being patient. I can be very impatient.

Black and white cookies are familiar, I grew up with them. I also grew up with some habits and patterns that I've worked hard to change. If you know me, you've probably heard me say that I need to meditate more. This allows me to better deal with these periods of grayness. Today I believe that 2012 is going to be a great year!